Diagnosis helpfull

Yea, we have a diagnosis. "multiple inclusion cysts in the dependent right maxillary sinus." Well, no wonder my face hurts. So, the office made an appt. for me with the ENT and I have to wait almost 32 days to see a doctor. 32 more days of suffering. I think NOT. I am calling in the morning to see if they have a call/cancellation list.. I want on it. Wait 32 days my ass.

My oldest son is at the Space Kennedy Center. Grampa is chaperoning. I sure wish I could have been there, but the car would have never made it. I bet my son is having an awesome time and I hope Grampa survives the trip. :) What a guy !!!! I miss my son. The house is to quiet and empty without him. As if the younger one doesn't make enough noise. LOL He misses his brother too. Lost without him. He is sleeping in our bed tonight. The boys sleep in bunk beds, so he is lonely tonight.

Being sick and changing our food in the house.. has resulted in a 3 lb weight loss. I knew something was up... my pants were looser. I lose 10 more pounds and I got a whole bunch of shorts to wear !!!!!

Well, that sums it up for now. I am feeling better today and coughing less. Yesterday was bad. Hopefully tomorrow will be a bigger improvement. My house is getting away from me and I gotta catch up.

nothing wrong with ya

Apparently I look really good for someone walking around with a permanent low grade fever. My face looks good for someone with sinus constant pain. By blood count is good.. must be viral. Wait for the CT scan and see what it says. Don't want you taking to many antibiotics. Take care of the allergies and treat the asthma. FUCK YOU. Evidently you sleep at night and you can breathe.

I am still on with the pity party

Yep, my pity party is in full swing. My fever just broke and my lungs have finally settled down. The pain in my face has subsided for the moment and I am so glad I am seeing the nurse in the morning. My doctor actually called me today, to see if I took the CT scan. I have NEVER had a doctor call me before.. to check on me. Amazing. So here it is 2:30 in the morning and I have insomnia. I am so beat and unable to sleep. Cruel.
I have been so mean to my kids lately. I have no patience what so ever and there behaviour is showing it. I must opologize to them and get back on my medicine to make me a nice person again. A pill to make me and everyone around me happy. Great. Such a rollercoaster ride I send my family on. They never know from one moment to the next, what kind of person I will be. For the last 2 months.. I have been short tempered, cranky, snappy, showing obvious signs that I just want them to leave me alone, selfish and downright nasty. Not there fault. Just me, overwhelmed and sick and getting depressed again. I am so glad my counselor taught me the signs so many years ago. I just wish I had the desire to take those damn pills everyday no matter what. The magic blue and orange pill. I just took one. Go do your magic and make me nicer. What a fucked up mess I am.

Abuse of the body

I am 35 and I feel AT LEAST 50 years old. I have misused this body and I have treated it so badly and now it is retaliating.

I am 100 lbs overweight, as a result my feet are shot with Plantar Fasciatis and my ankles are shot from pronating my feet while I walk. I have bones spurs in my heels and it HURTS like HELL to walk.

My knees are buckling under the pressure and they grind when I bend them. My back must have arthritis at the bottom, because some mornings I wake up feeling like I am gonna snap in half.

I developed Asthma and I have GERD, so I often am chewing on Rolaids and Tums. The Sinusitus I used to get when smoking as reared its ugly head and is currently kicking me in the ass. My face hurts, my ear hurts, my throat and mouth hurt and the doc. says that I am not inflamed.

My posture from sitting at the computer is effecting my neck. I am developing a Dowagers Hump. Sounds so OLD, but it is the way I hold I stick out my head in front of me, instead of straight up and down. So, my neck gives me pains and stiffness and being on the phone all the time hasn't helped my range of motion.

I get Migraines at twice a month and the medicine I tried... was much worse than the Migraine.

I am deathly allergic to Aspering and Ibuprofin and all other Non Steroidal Anti-Inflammatories. So, Tylenol doesn't do shit.

I am so tired lately. I am going to bed so much earlier than I used to. 9:30 -11:00. My dog is dead, so she doesn't wake me in the middle of the night, so I am sleeping all the way through and it is still not enough.

Thanks to years of cashier work and office work and being fat, I have Carpal Tunnel in both wrists. Neither wrist would support me if I needed to do a push up or a cart wheel. I wake up with numbness and sometimes it goes numb when I sew, crochet or just hold the phone wrong.

I bet there is more, but I can't think of it at this moment. I am so tired of being "old". I have abused my body and brought it ALL ON MYSELF.
I attempt to lose weight and I have very little success and I am sure it is just me and lack of determination. But, it ain't easy excercising when it hurts to move. I want it to warm up, so I can head to a pool.

Okay, I complained enough. I feel rotten and I just needed to get it out.

Guess what

The FCAT tests are almost over and just as I suspected... Todd's tic is much less pronounced, not as often and certainly not as loud. He is relaxing. What a relief for him and my nerves.

I love to hear my son sing

Yep, I am boasting. My oldest son has such a nice singing voice. Good tone and he can hold on a note and carry a tune. I love to hear him sing. It makes my heart swell with pride. I love it.

What a dissapointment. After Todd spent an hour and a half practicing with Andrea for the Honor Choir, I agreed to take him and his brother and his brother's friend and meet my girlfriend and her son... to the park. So, we get to the playground and it is GONE. Yep, gone. Dug up, runned over and gone. No explanation. So, we leave and go to another favorite playground and guess what... GONE. Yep, gone. Dupg up, runned over and gone. Only this time.. it says a new one is coming soon. WHY ?? There wasn't anything wrong with the old one. Neither one of them needed fixing, replacing or updating. They were great. So........ my cities Parks and Rec money.. at its best.

What makes me happy recently?

Puppies make me happy.
Birds make me happy.
Listening to my children laugh makes me happy.
Laying on the lawn with a friend, discussing new foundation planting makes me happy.
My baby nephew makes me happy.
Watching Nathan play soccer makes me happy.
Listening to Todd jr. sing makes me happy.
Flowers and plants make me happy.
Scrapbooking makes me happy.
Putting this house up for sale would make me happy.
Having it sell would make me happier.
Moving to Georgia would make me even happier.
Having Todd Sr. time makes me very very happy. :)
Getting up at 6:30a.m. to make my hubby lunch doesn't make me happy at first, but when I hand it to him and kiss him Good day... it makes me happy.
The Lord makes me extremely happy.
Not fighting with my Mom makes me really really happy.
Getting a new fish tank makes me happy.
If I ever get this house under control.. I will be happy.
Buying a new digital camera will also make me happy.
Sharing my life with friends makes me really happy.
I happy I can surf the internet and visit with my cyber friends.
I am happy to go to bed early.
Music makes me very happy. It is the beat of my soul.

Small things make me happy. A funny moment shared with someone. An inside joke makes me happy. Sitting in comfortable silence makes me happy. Finding a penny on the ground makes me happy. Being loved my someone, anyone, makes me happy. The future makes me happy because my Lord is orchestrating it for me. Without all the sad moments, I wouldn't know what HAPPY was.

What is eating me

What is eating me???
Dare you ask? You shouldn't.

My son's Tourettes Tic is eating at me. As a matter of fact, the noise is driving me crazy.
My sudden lack of patience and tolerance for his disability.
My complete chaos in this house.
My complete lack of energy to get it done.
This Sinusitus that won't go away, no matter how many drugs I take.
Very little Todd time. I ACTUALLY MISS my husband. Imagine that.
My boss who can't seem to quit doing what he is doing that is making him unable to get over Pneumonia, so that I have to cancel all his appts.
My dysfunctional extended family.
The death of my beloved dog.
My feet problems that cause me to experience pain with each freaking step I take.
The fact that I can't find the right wattage bulb for the two Lava lamps. If I don't find the right wattage.. I might as well throw the lamps out. NOT FAIR.
People who don't respond one way or another to a party invitation.
My inability to scrap or sew, because I got no place to do it and no free of guilt time to do it.
My camera with its big scratch on the lens that is ruining every picture I take!!!
The fact that I need a long list of things before I can buy a new camera.
The fact that I can't go visit Georgia next month.
I am still sick and I am sick of being sick and I don't want to be sick anymore.
Being sick has made me tired and cranky and more impatient than I usually am, which is making so intolerant of the things my children can't help.
That is it for the moment, but if you wait a few minutes.. I am sure I can come up with something else.

Now, see.. I did. I went off and thought of something else.

This Florida weather is eating me. It has been beautiful and comfortable and spring like and now tonight, we are headed for 43 degrees. I am sick of bundling up like eskimos in the morning to only be damn near naked by noon because it is almost 80 degrees. I am looking for consistancy here people. This flip floppy weather is making everyone sick. And we all know I am sick of being sick.

Beware of what you ask for

I have been begging God to find another Tic for my son. The mouth noise one is just TOOO much. Yea, well.. he did... the facial grimace is back. The one that hurts my son's face. He says to me.. Mom, my body found another Tic, but it isn't through with the mouth one yet and the new one hurts my face.

NOT FAIR!!!!!!! WHY WHY WHY WHY did God make my child have ADHD and TOURETTES? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY? One is bad enough socially, but Pete's sake.. BOTH. TOURETTES? Just what he needs.

He has been so blessed for 4 years now. NO ONE has EVER teased him about his Tics. But he is headed for middle school. THE WORST POSSIBLE PERIOD OF LIFE FOR ANY CHILD and he has to have something so disturbing and annoying and painfull and UNCONTROLABLE for kids to JUMP ALL OVER and you know they will. BECAUSE KIDS ARE CRUEL!!

I asked and begged God to TAKE THE TOURETTES AWAY. HE WON'T DO IT!!! WHY? WHY WHY WHY WHY?

Okay. I am done.