Notice or no notice at all?

What would be better? Knowing your going to die in a short period of time, or haveing no notice at all?

If you don't know, then you don't have to go through the agony of waiting for death to come. You don't have to deal with anything. You get to just keep on living untill, suddenly it is over and it was painless for you.
Only, I think it leaves a huge gaping wound for everyone else. They don't get to say Goodbye and say their peace. Then, neither do you. You have no time to say all the things you should have said and to live they way you would have wanted to live. But, really, there is never enough TIME.

The best option is to live like everyday is your last. Use every moment and make it precious and warm, so that if you suddenly go.. there are no regrets for anyone.

My worst fear is I will have a fight with my kids or my husband and then suddenly someone is dead and that is the LAST interaction you had with them. How awful.

That is why, I think I would want notice. So, I can make sure that I said what I needed to say and do, before the good Lord took me away.

Life is too short to dance with Ugly people

Now, there is some excellent advice. Of course it doesn't really mean anything untill you experience life being actually to short.

My Mom is at the fork in the road. It has turned her into a human being. It has made me realize that I have wasted to much time and energy fighting with her. Life IS to short to dance with ugly people. It is sOOOO much easier to be loving and human, no matter what. I hope that this is just a test from God.

I am truly going to be SNARKY, so stand back

Have you ever watched those baby shows on the TLC channel. Mostly of women being pregnant for the first time and giving birth for the first time. Now, I am sure I wasn't much different the first time, so I can objectively say ... " Oh, for God's sake, get over it! "
They worry about the pain of delivery. Giggle. Then they have some early labor pains, before they get to the hospital, and you would think they were dieing. SO, they get to the hospital and they get there Epidural and spend the next 8 hours watching tv and visiting.. no pain. By the time the Midwife comes in to tell them they are need to start pushing, they are so tired.. Tired of what??? The pushing begins and they are worn out from that.. but there is no pain. Then they are all proud... they did it... it was so rough.. oh for crying out loud. You didn't do shit. You sat sublimely though it all and then shit out a baby. Big fucking deal.
Then, I love it.. they get home. They have Grandma there to help.. which is wonderfull!!!! But, they spend the show complaining about how tired they are and how they couldn't sleep because Jr. kept crying and it takes them 20 minutes to change a diaper and blah blah blah... Oh my GOD, if the first night is hard..... add a million more WITHOUT any help. Whimps.
The shows crack me up. Now, granted, I have had two. The first one hurt like hell and I had pain killers. The second one... shit... I got to 6 cm and told the nurse we were getting no where in a hurry, because I wasn't in enough pain. I KNEW that I had to endure intense PAIN if I wanted the baby and I WANTED THE PAIN. I looked forward to it. I embraced it. Yes, I had pain killers, but not untill the last couple of cm.
Anyway. The shows crack me up, because those women don't have a clue and neither did I the first time around and what a fool I must have looked like.
Off my box now.

All Hell breaks lose

It is extremely possible that my Mother has Cancer. There are three suspicious spots on her spine. Cancer doesn't pop up on the spine all by itself.. it usually has spread from somewhere else. Most likely the lungs. Well, she has lung problems..soo.... The whole thing is quite disturbing. Her friend has Cancer and my mother is watching what the Chemo is doing to her, and Mom has refused to even think of treatment. Mom did that to me 6 years ago. Back then the Dr.'s thought she had Cancer. (but she didn't, she had Sarcoidosis) and she was going to refuse treatment then. Heavy sigh. I know she has every right to decide what is best for her.. but like I told her then.." I am not done with you. I still need my Mother"

On a lighter note. Todd and I went on a date and had a good time. We ate at Applebees and then went to a huge comedy show. There were 5 comedians and 3 were funny, 1 was okay funny and 1 was just down right insulting. But, it was nice to laugh and just be with my hubby.

I have been taking care of my Nephew the last two days. He was too sick to go to daycare. I just adore my Mikey. The last baby for the whole group of us. You can just imagine how spoiled that child is. LOL Mikey is 14 months old now and time is just slipping away. Before to long, he will be in Kindergarten.

Just like Nathan, my baby.. is now 7 and getting so tall. He has to fold himself into my lap. I miss my children when they were small, but I enjoy them now too.

My oldest is 11 and he is getting to be quite an interesting person. Converstations with him are starting to have a more mature point. LOL Of course he is getting more and more Snarky.... can't imagine where that comes from.. LOLOLOLOL

I am so anxious about becoming a teacher. I read two books that really talk about the reality of what a teacher has to deal with and how to set up the classroom and keep control and how to deal with other teachers and the administration and the shear amount of work involved and how I can basically KISS my personal time away for a long time. Anyone who thinks teachers work from 7-4 are sadly mistaken. It is scarey and I keep telling hubby I don't think I can do it. He insists that I can and that I will be fine.

My children have asked me to set a reading program for them over the summer. So, I gotta go a poster board and set up there names and numbers for books read. I need stickers for them to put on the board when the read a book and they will earn points. So many points will earn them something. I am thinking Dairy Queen dollars. I got 25 of them right now.

Nathan has to work on his handwriting, desperatly. Todd needs to practice taking notes and copying off an overhear... areas he is so weak in. They both need to learn how to type. I found a website for that. I also want them to do a research paper and then present their work to the family. LOL They will be so sorry I am a teacher. What is difficult.. they will be spending every other week with Grandma and Grandpa and they have NEVER had the kids do what I need them to work on. Brick wall there.

You will be happy to know that I am still taking my Prozac. It has helped tremendously. I have been so much more patient with my kids and have even willingly walked away from my computer to play with Nathan. I taught him to play Chess and one time we played cards. I don't play with my kids. I am to selfish. Bad Mommy. But, my patience is longer now and I am more mellow and less stressed out. Why do I always stop taking my medication? Why?... because I get lazy and I forget and I feel so good that I don't think I need it. So, please NAG me!!!

We got another turtle. He is a baby. Nathan named him Joey. Franklin, the big turtle, has accepted him. They are so cute under the heat lamp... the baby sitting on top of the big one. Umm.. Franklin is as big as the palm of my hand. Joey is is the size of a 50 cent piece.
So, I have two dogs, two turtles and a 45 gallon fish tank with humongous Goldfish in it. I would love a Corn Snake. :) Can you see my classroom?

I am a weather freak by the way. As we near Hurricane season, I have been back on Storm2K.com ... That is an awesome forum for proffesional and amaeture Meteorologists. I get better information and more information from them, than I do from the local weatherman.. who is censored. I have learned so much about weather and climates and terminology from there. I have been directed to awesome weather maps and sattelites that are absolutly fascinating when following a hurricane. For Christmas this year... I want a home weather station. Geek that I am.. I have Weatherbug on my cell phone. Sniggle.

The living room and hallway have been painted two shades of yellow and it is so pretty. The trim is white and all the switch plates and plugs are going to be white. The ceilings are painted and the a/c grills have been painted white and that looks so much better. Paint your grills white!!! The Kitchen comes next, then the garage and the gutters and we have to pay for the flooring ourselves. That will be tough. I am so anxious to get this house up for sale, but the market is so slow... it may take a while.

My car is fucked up. I am so greatfull that Geoff is willing to help us diagnose the problem and fix it. I hate it when cars break and when things on the house break.. it is NEVER cheap. Thank GOD for friends like Michele and Geoff to help us out!

That little rat dog of mine has finally and officially won me over. Top it all off, my In-laws wanted him back and I said no. They went off and bought another dog!!!! Didn't even ask me if that was the breed I wanted .. LOLOL Because I just know they will tire of that one too. God Love Em. Right now, Rumsey is rolling around in Kira's lap and making all kinds of noises. He wants her to play and she won't. She allready played with him today... lol.. that is all he gets. She has finally accepted him too.

Okay, I am done.. I will catch you up later.

'Oi ve

I spent an hour in Nate's class this morning and it was much better than Monday. The kids were calmer and more focused. I got to sit down and help with Math and Reading. The Math was fun, because not all the kids are on the same level. I felt much better about teaching when I left the room.

Took Nana shopping and that is a 2 hour deal, no matter how you slice it. I need to shop for us and I can't do that when I am with her. Too much chaos.

So, much to do.. no ambition, no energy and no freaking time. Between volunteering a little at school, trying to do my job, running errands and seeing my MOM and my NANA, there is nothing getting done here.

Tonight I have to go back to the school to attend a reading workshop. Nathan wants to go and I think it is just so he has an activity at school that I need to do with him. His brother has been sucking up the extra limelight.. with performances and middle school open house and such. Nathan does not need help in reading at ALL. But, I am going to please him and give him one on one time. (even though I am in his classroom, he doesn't get me one on one and I am still Mom and I discipline him there too.) I am sure I will benefit from the program tonight and I will file it away for my teaching someday.

The seeds that we planted that grew into plants are now planted in the ground and are growing wonderfully. Hows THAT for a run on sentence. LOL

I am developing all the cameras and film in the house. Now, all I gotta do is get a years worth of photos off my computer and printed and then I will have something to work with when I finally get back to scrapbooking again.

I miss it. I miss the relaxation it gives me. I can't even reach my stuff now, and there is no where to work. I have not finished that room yet and it just keeps filling up with shit and boxes and junk. Frustrating.

The pool is up and filled and thank goodness the well didn't go dry filling that puppy up. 15 feet around and 3 feet deep. WARM and fun. I so missed my pool. The kids came home yesterday and swam for hours and CONKED right out at bedtime. Hubby and I went out and enjoyed it later on. :) Moonlight and water is very romantic.

It was so nice to spend time with him. He has been working insane hours and I miss him. Summer will be long and the checks will be fat, but my heart will be weepy.. missing my mate.

Sick.. sappy.. LOL

Well, I got 45 minutes to do something productive. Let me get to it.

Love to you all.

W'a's up?

Hehe W'a's up? Okay. I sat on the fence and decided I had to do something with the my life and get started in a direction that would satisfy me when my children are gone from my nest. I decided that I needed to go back to college and finish what I started 13 years ago. It took a total of 2 hours to re-enroll and set up my education plan. I am going to be teacher. I wanted to be a teacher way back then and that hasn't changed. Of course, spending a day in a classroom full of 7 year olds is enough to make me question my sanity. LOL

I am finally over the Pneumonia and I have a diagnosis for the sinus problems.... I need surgery. Not rushing off to the operating table though. I am medically maxed out and so far I am finding enough relief to live with it. We spend over $300 in one month on office visit co-pays and medication for Todd jr. and I. Crazy.

I watched my oldest son blossom on stage. He chose to sing for the talent show and he got a slot. He sang "Walking in Mephis" using only the music. (no artist singing ) and he rocked! When he hit the high note, the crowd burst out in cheer and clapping. It was my proudest moment yet. I was proud that he sang so well (but that comes natural), but I was more proud that he stood on that stage and faced his peers, ( who aren't always very nice to him) and showed them something they didn't know about him and flaunted his confidence.. which they can't take away.

I got another dog. Well, I got suckered into another dog. A little dog no less. He belonged to the In-Laws and I couldn't let them give him away. I have grown fond of him and he is kinda neat. I still don't know what to do with something that small... If he weighs 15lbs, that would be amazing. I am used to 70lbs or more. My Rottweiler was 125lbs. Now, THAT is a dog.

I miss my Lucy so much. It still hurts and I still cry, but not as much or as often. Time heals the edge.

The house remodel is going and I am so over it. LOL. Packing is the hardest job. I want to throw it all away. So much STUFF. To much STUFF. Freaking rediculous. I haven't gone looking for anything that is packed... guess I really didn't need it in the first place. There is so much to do .. more and more painting and it seems to never end. There are more plumbing problems that keep popping up. I have no shower and only one bathtub that works. I have one toilett that works and one toilett that needs the water turned off and on as needed. PAIN IN THE ASS. The kitchen will be ripped out in a few weeks. Can't wait for that disaster. If it would rain, I would start the landscaping. But we are in a drought and the wells are drying up and the canals are so low, you could wade through some of them. Scarey.

School will be out in 12 days. Summer vacation. YEA! I am so ready to stop the rat race every morning and afternoon. I drive my kids to school. 3 days a week it is 2 trips and the other 2 days it is 4 trips. ( the oldest one stays after ). There are a couple of people who think I am nuts for driving my kids instead of using the bus. However, the driver my kids' had...didn't speak a lick of English. So, I removed them from the bus full-time in January. I am home, no reason I can't transport my own children.

My very good friend has Cancer. That is very hard for me to face. I want to believe that the Dr.'s will come up with something else instead. I swear to GOD, I didn't stand in her bathtub, in a pool of her blood, doing my living best to keep her from going into shock.. only to lose her to such a hideous disease that I am powerless to stop.

Okay, I am done. I have eaten several pounds of chocolate today. I think I am trying to self-medicate. Heavy sigh. I think I better get back on my Prozac. Only, I am no good at taking it consistently. I really need a nagger to make me take it everyday. Kinda hard to find someone who is willing to take on that role. What a pain in the ass I am.

Okay, well, I am going to bed. Amy will be so happy that she kicked me in the ass. I am glad she said something to make me come post. I need a nagger for that too. I hope that Cindy posts. I like reading her stuff.
okay, night then.