I am still on with the pity party

Yep, my pity party is in full swing. My fever just broke and my lungs have finally settled down. The pain in my face has subsided for the moment and I am so glad I am seeing the nurse in the morning. My doctor actually called me today, to see if I took the CT scan. I have NEVER had a doctor call me before.. to check on me. Amazing. So here it is 2:30 in the morning and I have insomnia. I am so beat and unable to sleep. Cruel.
I have been so mean to my kids lately. I have no patience what so ever and there behaviour is showing it. I must opologize to them and get back on my medicine to make me a nice person again. A pill to make me and everyone around me happy. Great. Such a rollercoaster ride I send my family on. They never know from one moment to the next, what kind of person I will be. For the last 2 months.. I have been short tempered, cranky, snappy, showing obvious signs that I just want them to leave me alone, selfish and downright nasty. Not there fault. Just me, overwhelmed and sick and getting depressed again. I am so glad my counselor taught me the signs so many years ago. I just wish I had the desire to take those damn pills everyday no matter what. The magic blue and orange pill. I just took one. Go do your magic and make me nicer. What a fucked up mess I am.