Apparently I have changed in the last few months
I am not told if that is good or bad, but that my perspective has changed and I have changed. Well, serious life changes will do that to ya... don'chya know.
I wanted to move to Georgia. We remodeled the house, which was extremely stressfull. I decided to go back to college. My Mother became terminally ill. My Grandmother is my sole responsibility. College went by the wayside for now. Georgia is nothing more than a pipe dream. I became very mortal and my family and friends became very important. We decided to homeschool our children. My Mommy died and left me alone with my Grandmother. Mommy left me with an estate to administer and share with my brother. Mommy left me with some money so I could breathe easier. Suddenly... life is too short to deal with situations that just aren't meaningfull. Suddenly my life became full of details for me to track and I am overwhelmed. I have to care for my family, my children, my Grandmother, my Mother's estate and take care of my precious Nephews and work for the Psychologist and keep track of his life and consider college in the Winter. SOMETHING HAS TO GO.
So, I quit my job and I don't care. I could not give it the attention it needed and deserved and I was tired of apologizing for forgotten details. I am only one person and this was no longer meaningfull for me.
What is meaningfull to me. Caring for my Grandmother and getting the care she needs that I just can't do anymore. Forcing my Uncle to do what he is supposed to and that means I play dirty. He got his warning and he did nothing. So, now he can really see that I wasn't kidding and I DON'T PLAY NICE. I am NOT my Mother and I WON'T back down.
What is meaningfull to me? Caring for my children's education. Making sure they are in a safe environment, away from as many negative interactions with peer pressure as possible. Providing them with an interesting and more life like education. Providing them with an education that plays on their interests and strengths.
What is meaningfull to me? Spending time with my kids and truly enjoying their company, intead of feeling like they are sucking the life out of me. Making our time together meaningful and memorable. Raising them to be the children of God, not of this world and changing my parenting skills to make that happen.
What is meaningfull to me? Spending more time with my husband and making sure he feels loved and secure and that I am behind him all the way. Showing that I have our family first in my consideration. Striving to be that Proverbs 31 woman, that he can count on.
What is meaningfull to me? Spending quality time with my dear friends, who I consider part of my family. Making sure that they know that I love them and appreciate them and that I would be STUPID to leave them.
What is meaningfull to me? Going back to school and learning to do what I LOVE to do, so that in the future I can make a difference in this world.. before I leave it. I want to teach. I want to make an impact on at least ONE child's life. I want to take my "talent" and see where God leads me.
What is meaningfull to me? Dropping all the useless, meaningless, un-joyfull tasks, people, activities out of my life. Not being a doormat. Stop dancing with UGLY people. Fill my life with GOOD people. People who LIFT me up, not drag me down. Achieving the simple things I want.. even if they are slightly materialistic... a bigger home, a better and bigger vehicle, advantages for my children to learn and play, a some rewards for my husbands back breaking work.
I want to enjoy life, the people I fill it with and be always aware that in a split POOF.. it could be all gone.
I wanted to move to Georgia. We remodeled the house, which was extremely stressfull. I decided to go back to college. My Mother became terminally ill. My Grandmother is my sole responsibility. College went by the wayside for now. Georgia is nothing more than a pipe dream. I became very mortal and my family and friends became very important. We decided to homeschool our children. My Mommy died and left me alone with my Grandmother. Mommy left me with an estate to administer and share with my brother. Mommy left me with some money so I could breathe easier. Suddenly... life is too short to deal with situations that just aren't meaningfull. Suddenly my life became full of details for me to track and I am overwhelmed. I have to care for my family, my children, my Grandmother, my Mother's estate and take care of my precious Nephews and work for the Psychologist and keep track of his life and consider college in the Winter. SOMETHING HAS TO GO.
So, I quit my job and I don't care. I could not give it the attention it needed and deserved and I was tired of apologizing for forgotten details. I am only one person and this was no longer meaningfull for me.
What is meaningfull to me. Caring for my Grandmother and getting the care she needs that I just can't do anymore. Forcing my Uncle to do what he is supposed to and that means I play dirty. He got his warning and he did nothing. So, now he can really see that I wasn't kidding and I DON'T PLAY NICE. I am NOT my Mother and I WON'T back down.
What is meaningfull to me? Caring for my children's education. Making sure they are in a safe environment, away from as many negative interactions with peer pressure as possible. Providing them with an interesting and more life like education. Providing them with an education that plays on their interests and strengths.
What is meaningfull to me? Spending time with my kids and truly enjoying their company, intead of feeling like they are sucking the life out of me. Making our time together meaningful and memorable. Raising them to be the children of God, not of this world and changing my parenting skills to make that happen.
What is meaningfull to me? Spending more time with my husband and making sure he feels loved and secure and that I am behind him all the way. Showing that I have our family first in my consideration. Striving to be that Proverbs 31 woman, that he can count on.
What is meaningfull to me? Spending quality time with my dear friends, who I consider part of my family. Making sure that they know that I love them and appreciate them and that I would be STUPID to leave them.
What is meaningfull to me? Going back to school and learning to do what I LOVE to do, so that in the future I can make a difference in this world.. before I leave it. I want to teach. I want to make an impact on at least ONE child's life. I want to take my "talent" and see where God leads me.
What is meaningfull to me? Dropping all the useless, meaningless, un-joyfull tasks, people, activities out of my life. Not being a doormat. Stop dancing with UGLY people. Fill my life with GOOD people. People who LIFT me up, not drag me down. Achieving the simple things I want.. even if they are slightly materialistic... a bigger home, a better and bigger vehicle, advantages for my children to learn and play, a some rewards for my husbands back breaking work.
I want to enjoy life, the people I fill it with and be always aware that in a split POOF.. it could be all gone.
posted by Magpie at 4:49 PM
2 Comments:
Laurie, you have realized the most precious and beautiful values in life~your family and those you love. I support you 100%! ((((HUG))))
Those things have become foggy in my mind, I am glad you can see them so clearly now. You have had a rough year. I know it's making you stronger.
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