Thank you Mommy

This week, while my brother and I were cleaning out Mom's house, I found what I had been hoping to find. I had given up hope, but Mom knows me well. We were cleaning out the attic and bringing down the Christmas decorations. As I went through her Christmas stuff, I found a goodbye letter. It was like finding my Mom dead all over again. It hurt so much. She wrote it 7 years ago, when she first fell ill and she packed it up with the ornaments. I am a Christmas freak and that was the perfect place to put it. She knew I would find it and said so in her letter. I am so thankfull that she wrote me. I am so thankfull to have it. I needed to read it and hear her one more time. Strangly enough, one her comments in the letter is the same as the comment in the dream I had with her. (see former posts) That was comforting. She did come to me in a dream and she was real. (heavy sigh) I write letters to my children alot and leave them in their baby book. I want them to be able to read how I felt about them, once I am gone. I want them to have that last tangible piece of me. Apparently, so did my Mom.

I love you, Mommy. I miss you so much. I miss EVERY aspect of our relationship.. good or bad. I miss talking to you every day. I am so lost without you. But, I know that you are so much happier and so much more comfortable and I know that someday I will see you again. I hope and pray that you can hear me everytime I talk to you. I hope I am not just talking into thin air. I hope you can see what Rick and I are doing. I hope you can see that your beloved dogs are cared for and loved and happy. I hope you can see what your Grandson is doing and that he is singing in a the city choir.. just like you. I hope you are enjoying your time without your Mom. LOL I hope you are pleased at how I am caring for her and handling my Uncle.

Thank you for leaving the letter. I love you too, Mommy.