revelations
The Lord is working on me again. LOUDLY. I am going to share something that is absoluty INSANE, but I am going to share it anyway.
All growing up, if I had any belief in the Lord... I don't remember it. I have one rememberence of being in church before I was 15. I was young... under 7.. most likely 5. Sunday school. I vaguely remember doing something wrong, something about wanting attention. I got in trouble with my Mom. That is it. When I was 15, I decided I wanted to see what the Catholic Church was. So, I snuck in during service. Beautiful. that is it. I was a terribly difficult child, according to my Mother and apparently I lied alot. I can remember numerous times having to swear on a bible... which I lied easily on and which absolutly NOTHING to me. We didn't go to church. Then having that thrown back in my face.. how horrible I was for that.... I did not have a great childhood with my Mom.. but I won't get into that. My point was... I had no faith, because I felt I had no hope and no love. I do not remember how old I was when I read THE LION, THE WITCH, and THE WARDROBE. I had no clue untill the movie came out that there were any similiarities or any Christian meaning behind the book. I did know that the book was powerful and it moved me. The Character Aslan moved me. I had no God, no real faith in him... because I was questioning why he let me be so miserable. I somehow had childlike faith that Aslan was my Lord. I would pray to him. I would cry to him. I would beg for him. In time and age.. I outgrew that. ( Mercy, I am crying ) Now, tonight... I watched the movie for the very first time.. having no idea what the Christian hub bub was about.. only that the Christian faith backed the movie. Well, I can plainly, painfully and blessedly see that the Lord Jesus was working so hard on me then and wanted me so badly that he became Aslan FOR ME. TO CARRY ME. He carried me without me knowing it... through my teen years and into adulthood and he finally captured my hardened heart when I was 25.
Lord, Thank you. I love you so much. How I wish I had known it then. I am so sorry that you had to fight so hard for me and take my blastphemie all that time. Thank you for staying with me and carrying me.
All growing up, if I had any belief in the Lord... I don't remember it. I have one rememberence of being in church before I was 15. I was young... under 7.. most likely 5. Sunday school. I vaguely remember doing something wrong, something about wanting attention. I got in trouble with my Mom. That is it. When I was 15, I decided I wanted to see what the Catholic Church was. So, I snuck in during service. Beautiful. that is it. I was a terribly difficult child, according to my Mother and apparently I lied alot. I can remember numerous times having to swear on a bible... which I lied easily on and which absolutly NOTHING to me. We didn't go to church. Then having that thrown back in my face.. how horrible I was for that.... I did not have a great childhood with my Mom.. but I won't get into that. My point was... I had no faith, because I felt I had no hope and no love. I do not remember how old I was when I read THE LION, THE WITCH, and THE WARDROBE. I had no clue untill the movie came out that there were any similiarities or any Christian meaning behind the book. I did know that the book was powerful and it moved me. The Character Aslan moved me. I had no God, no real faith in him... because I was questioning why he let me be so miserable. I somehow had childlike faith that Aslan was my Lord. I would pray to him. I would cry to him. I would beg for him. In time and age.. I outgrew that. ( Mercy, I am crying ) Now, tonight... I watched the movie for the very first time.. having no idea what the Christian hub bub was about.. only that the Christian faith backed the movie. Well, I can plainly, painfully and blessedly see that the Lord Jesus was working so hard on me then and wanted me so badly that he became Aslan FOR ME. TO CARRY ME. He carried me without me knowing it... through my teen years and into adulthood and he finally captured my hardened heart when I was 25.
Lord, Thank you. I love you so much. How I wish I had known it then. I am so sorry that you had to fight so hard for me and take my blastphemie all that time. Thank you for staying with me and carrying me.
posted by Magpie at 8:55 PM
1 Comments:
I am so thankful for God's mercy, His forgiveness, His ability to love me even when I failed Him so much. He has carried me through things that at the time I could see no end to, times when I had little or no faith. He always brings me to something beautiful. Being a child of God is an ongoing process. He expects us to learn from our past mistakes, our faithlessness. He wants us to take the lessons and leave the pain behind. That is a hard thing to do. I'm still learning. I think we all are.
I hope to see that movie soon. I have heard a lot of good things about it.
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