Was it because I was born?

This is an email I just sent to my Mother. We just had another ugly fight. I am so sad and so done and I feel so small and so guilty and but I know I am not crazy and I don't make this shit up and I know I am right and I know I deserve and have always deserved to be treated better. I have tried to accept her for who she is and tried to work around her and make excuses for her. I have spent years doubting myself and my feelings and letting what she thinks define who I am and in the last two years, I have just grown up and I put on my big girl panties and fought back. So, I "win" the battle by leaving, but I "lose" because now I have no Mommy. Soon, I will have no Nanny and my Daddy is dead and my real Dad is drinking himself to death. So, what did I do wrong the first time around, to get all this? Was it because I was born? Just because I came at the wrong time? I swear she has always resented me. I know I was a tough child to parent. All willfill and arguementative, but for God's sake.. there had to be a better way to raise me, treat me, love me, work with me. She had a lousy example, so she she kept right on. I had a lousy example, but I have made sure not to follow suit. Why couldn't she? So, over the years resentment and lack of respect has grown and eaten away at our relationship and hatred has worked its way in and there is no turning back. She says I am a user and I am selfish and a trouble maker and a liar, oh and lets not forget a lousy mother and I have no business having kids. I say she is selfish and a twister of words and she is a lousy mother. Looks like we are more alike than different, if what we both says is true.

Dear Mom,
It is painfully obvious that you and I are never gonna get along or make either one of us happy.

We have no respect for each other and I doubt there is any coming back from that.

I am tired of wasting energy on anger and tears.

Our problems have been going on for twenty years and it gets worse every passing year.

I will email you Nana's doctor appts that I can't do, because of job restrictions or Todd jr's weekly doctor appt. I will talk with you about her diagnosis and her future.

I am really really really hurt that it angers you so much that my Grandmother paid for something for me. You made it perfectly clear that I am not worth it, which I suppose makes us even.

I will not forsake you when you get as old and sick as she is. I am NOT as cold and selfish as you THINK I am.

Goodbye